FTM 480 - THE PLAYER

Patrick and JB go Hollywood.



Download this episode here. (29.7 MB)

Listen to F This Movie! on Stitcher.

Also discussed this episode: Anna and the Apocalypse (2018), All the Colors of the Dark (1972), Cold War (2018), Braid (2018), Made for Each Other (1939), Happy Death Day 2 U (2019)

Celluloid Ramblings: One Outta Three

by JB
Step right up, ladies and gentlemen. Listen while I explain how I can save all of you THIRTY-FIVE BUCKS!

This week I present the following proposition to all of my loyal readers. With one hand, I’m going to gift you with $35. You’re welcome. How, you ask? Simple—by persuading you NOT to buy two recent discs that would set you back $35. No matter how curious, how bored, or how much of a @#$*&^%#! completist you consider yourself to be, just clutch your wallet or purse tightly and KEEP WALKING.

For the love of all things holy, keep walking.
I am a big fan of Ed Wood (and not always ironically—listen to the award-winning podcast Patrick and I recorded on Plan 9 From Outer Space) and I was pleased when I heard that an actual print of Wood’s “final” film, the thought-to-be-lost Take It Out in Trade, was being restored and released by the fine folks at AGFA. I bought the disc.

The Plot in Brief: Detective Mac McGregor (Michael Donovan O’Donnell) is hired by a set of worried parents to find their missing daughter, Shirley (Donna Stanley). McGregor helpfully informs the audience, “Sex. That’s where I come in. Dead or alive, sex is always in need of my services. A service to which I sincerely apply myself wholeheartedly—sometimes even in the daylight hours!” Can you tell that besides directing, Ed Wood also WROTE this film?

McGregor takes full advantage of the parents’ deep pockets and flies off to multiple foreign countries to track down leads. We are treated to stock footage of planes taking off and landing, ludicrous travel posters to tell us where we are, and McGregor spying on local suspects in various stages of undress before returning home. Lather, rinse, and repeat. The number of countries McGregor visits seems to have been determined by how much padding Wood figured he needed to get this thin premise up to feature length.

Because Wood was such an… obsessive filmmaker, we are treated to endless shots of half-naked women descending a red shag-carpeted staircase. Why? Did Wood feel the rich, scarlet carpet showed off the film’s chief virtue: that it is in COLOR? Did he feel the staircase helped him to compose shots that would be visually appealing to an audience? Did he have a staircase fetish? Watching Take It Out in Trade lets us inside the mind of Ed Wood; it’s a strange, uncomfortable place to be.
This film is bizarre in so many different ways. Though made in the early 1970s, it harkens back to the mid-1960s and the nudie-cutie aesthetic of early Russ Meyer and David Friedman. Films of this ilk usually contain hypocritical moralizing about the dens of inequity being portrayed, but the sex workers in Take It Out in Trade are a happy bunch, who seem to enjoy what they’re doing. After Shirley is “saved” from her life of vice and returned to her parents, she chooses to go back to being a prostitute. At one point the detective interviews a transgendered couple for clues; the couple is portrayed as perfectly normal, which is quite unusual for the ’70s. Wood himself plays Alecia, and I believe beside Glen or Glenda, it’s the only time Wood appeared in drag in a film.

If you’re interested in Ed Wood’s later years of alcoholism and homelessness, you may want to see this film; but this is a film to watch, not to own. The sad reality of Ed Wood’s life (the part of his career Tim Burton chose not to show in his eponymous film) negates the pleasures of ironic repeat viewings, and the key emotions triggered by this film are sadness and tedium. Why doesn’t Red Box stock movies like these—discs that scream for single-viewing-only rentals?

My advice: do not purchase Take It Out in Trade. Though the disc contains 70 minutes of outtakes (previously released by Something Weird); a commentary track with Frank Henenlotter and Rudolph Grey; and a bonus short, "The Love Feast"; keep your double sawbuck in your pocket and KEEP WALKING.
I used to have such a warm spot in my heart for the 1976 Neil Simon film Murder By Death. Fourteen-year-old me thought it was a hoot and a half. Maybe that self-satisfied laughter me, congratulating myself for “getting” all the jokes, many of which depend on a familiarity with Hollywood detective films of the 1930s and 1940s. When I saw the film was finally being released on Blu-ray, I bought the disc.

Re-watching the film four decades later, I felt the dreaded “Goonies Derivation” kick in more strongly than I have ever felt before. As it turns out, Murder By Death is a piece of shit. Obvious, simplistic, and crude, it seems concocted by failed sitcom writers during a prolonged strike.

The Plot In Brief: Lionel Twain (Truman Capote) invites the world’s greatest detectives to his mansion one dark and stormy night. He intends to stage a murder and flummox his famous guests, thereby proving that Twain himself is, in fact, the greatest detective in the world. Trying to solve the murder are San Francisco’s Sam Diamond (Peter Falk) and his long-suffering secretary, Tess (Eileen Brennan); Milo Perrier (James Coco) and his chauffeur, Marcel (James Cromwell); Jessica Marbles (Elsa Lanchester) and her Nurse (Estelle Winwood); the sparkling and witty Dick and Dora Charleston (David Niven and Maggie Smith); and Sidney Wang (Peter Sellers) and his number-one-son Willie (Richard Narita). These character names might give you some idea of the level of humor in the film itself. Sam DIAMOND is the “comedy version” of Humphrey Bogart’s famous detective Sam SPADE in The Maltese Falcon, you see, because both “DIAMOND” and “SPADE” are suits in a deck of cards… and that’s a JOKE if you had NEVER in your life heard a joke nor had INTERACTION of any kind with a HUMAN on this PLANET. “Sam DIAMOND… how very witty, Mr. Simon, how very, very witty!”

What follows is 94 minutes of boring nonsense. The murder mystery plot is so complicated that it makes no sense, and so Simon’s cast of (too many) characters simply stands around exchanging tired dialogue and obvious humor. “Jokes” focusing on urine and flatulence abound. David Niven and Maggie Smith do their best, but it is not enough to save this tired exercise. I was embarrassed that personal favorite Elsa Lanchester (who played the goddamned Bride of Frankenstein, for Chrissakes!) had to appear in films like this at the end of her career. Alec Guinness plays a blind butler; Nancy Walker plays a deaf-mute cook. Imagine the comic complications that could arise from that hilarious premise! No, really: imagine the comedy, because Neil Simon clearly could not.
Modern viewers will be struck by Peter Sellers’s performance as Sidney Wang. The character’s fifth-grade dick joke of a name is actually the least offensive aspect of this character. Inspired by Charlie Chan movies of the 1930s and ’40s (when Chan and others were often played by non-Asian actors—good Lord--Boris Karloff played Fu Manchu!) Peter Sellers’ portrayal is painfully dated and insensitive, an embarrassing remnant of a far less “woke” era (era). At one point, Sam Diamond (Hee-hee, that name!) even calls Wang (excuse me) “Slanty.” It might help if the Wang character were given more to do than insult his son and spout fatuous, fortune cookie-style sobriquets. None of it is funny. EXAMPLE: “This conversation like television set on honeymoon: unnecessary.” Seller’s make-up alone, complete with eye-lid appliances and false, jutting teeth, is pure cringe.

CAVEAT: Watching Murder by Death again after so many years, I noticed just how deep a debt of gratitude is owed by 1985’s Clue—structurally, at least. Perhaps part of this hangs on just how clichéd most drawing room murder mysteries really are, but Clue now looks like an enlightened remake of Murder By Death, with better performances and funnier jokes. I am not the biggest fan of Clue (sorry, Heather), but Murder By Death makes Clue looks like a masterpiece of comic invention. My opinion: more like Murder by DON’T. Skip this mess, save your $15, and KEEP WALKING.

There—I’ve saved you $35! But honestly, what are you going to do with $35, buy gum? Fear not, I will spend your 35 bucks for you. Again, you’re welcome.
The recent Indicator/Powerhouse Blu-ray of Jacques Tourneur’s Night of the Demon (1957) is one of the best classic horror film releases in the last several years. The film itself is a masterpiece. Film historians gleefully discuss the controversy of the producers’ insistence on showing the film’s monster explicitly, while the director favored a more suggestive approach. What complicates this common tale of art versus commerce is that the monster itself is really cool.

The Plot in Brief: Dr. John Holden (Dana Andrews) attends a paranormal psychology conference to debunk the supernatural “powers” of mysterious cult leader/children’s birthday party clown Julian Karswell (Nial MacGinnis). Perhaps knowing that one should keep one’s enemies close, Karswell invites Holden to stay with him at his estate. Karswell hides a possibly cursed scroll in Holden’s briefcase. Holden begins to believe he might be wrong about Karswell—dead wrong. His only hope is to return the scroll and break the strange spell. Wait a minute, why is there an enormous dragon monster loitering by the train tracks?

What distinguishes this disc, and makes it worth our $35, are the superior transfers, the wealth of supplementary features, and one of the best commentary tracks I have heard in a long time by film historian Tony Earnshaw. We are also treated to FOUR presentations of the film: the original full-length pre-release version (96 mins) and the original UK theatrical cut (82 minutes), both named Night of the Demon; plus, the original US theatrical cut (82 mins) and the US re-issue version (96 mins), both named Curse of the Demon. There are also no fewer than ten featurettes devoted to different aspects of the film.
This is an embarrassment of riches. My favorite supplement is “Cloven in Two,” a featurette that discusses in concise and exacting detail the differences between the four versions of the film. Most importantly, it discusses the effects these changes would have on an audience trying to understand and enjoy the film. This featurette emerges as one of the best tutorials on film editing I have ever seen, considering the effect on NARRATIVE of various cuts and changes. It goes so much further than most documentaries on the subject. We also get a fun “Super 8” version of the film, representing the Castle Films home movie version of Night of the Demon from the early 1970s. The disc also features an isolated music and effects track. This is clearly one of the best archival horror releases in quite some time.

AN ANNOYING AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL PAUSE: Watching this amazing disc actually explained one of the jokes in The Rocky Horror Picture Show’s first song, “Science Fiction/Double Feature.” The narrator sings, “Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes, and passing them used lots of skills.” What a young JB assumed was just a random diarrhea pun turns out to be songwriter Richard O’Brien not just referencing Night of the Demon, but also its source novel, “Casting the Runes.” I love learning!

The Pudatsa giveth… and the Pudatsa taketh away. Please invest the money you would have wasted on the rare missteps from AGFA and Shout Select and invest it wisely in the new Night of the Demon package. So I have it written; so shall it be done.

Reserved Seating Swings for the Fences: TROUBLE WTH THE CURVE

by Rob DiCristino and Adam Riske
The review duo who have trouble with the cursive. Can’t do it. Can print all day, though.

Adam: Welcome to another season of Reserved Seating Swings for the Fences. I’m Adam Riske.

Rob: And I’m Rob DiCristino.
Adam: As MLB players report for Spring Training this week, we’re bringing you our first baseball review of the year: the 2012 Clint Eastwood vehicle Trouble with the Curve, which was directed by Eastwood’s longtime producer Robert Lorenz. You wouldn’t be able to tell, since this is a 2K Clint Eastwood movie through and through. It tells the story of an aging Atlanta Braves scout named Gus Lobel (Eastwood) who’s responsible for bringing the likes of Dale Murphy, Tom Glavine, and Chipper Jones to the organization. Gus is losing his vision, so he begrudgingly accepts the help of his workaholic lawyer daughter, Mickey (Amy Adams), in scouting top tier DH (?) prospect Bo Gentry (Joe Massingill). Also along for the ride is a potential love interest for Mickey: a former Gus Lobel prospect-turned-Boston Red Sox scout named Johnny “The Flame” Flanagan (Justin Timberlake), who’s also taking a look at Bo. Will Gus and Mickey patch up their long-estranged relationship? Will Gus be able to stick it to the sniveling Braves Assistant GM (Matthew Lillard) who wants him run out of the organization? Will Johnny be able to parlay scouting the Red Sox #1 pick into a career as a broadcaster? All of those questions and more will be answered (well, two of those three will) by the end credits. The film co-stars John Goodman as Eastwood’s boss, whose job really is to blow sunshine up everyone’s ass about Gus’s genius, Robert Patrick as the remarkably passive Braves GM, and Scott Eastwood as a Braves prospect brought into the organization by Gus who can’t hit a lick right now because he misses his mama.

Trouble with the Curve is a perfect Reserved Seating movie because it’s ½ charming, ½ pretty bad, and all fun to discuss. As a road trip drama, it mostly works because the cast is overqualified and Amy Adams drags it to success. The movie is sweet at its center even if embarrassingly naive. As a baseball story, it’s hilarious for many reasons we’ll get into later. I think what trips up the film are the two main male leads, played by Eastwood and Timberlake. Justin Timberlake is very talented as a performer but he’s not a very good actor. In my humble opinion, he sounds like a little boy pretending to be a grown man in Trouble with the Curve, and his whole character trajectory in relation to baseball (he acquits himself fine in the romantic scenes) is ridiculous. I can buy that he’s a former prospect whose career didn’t pan out so he became a scout. I can’t buy that he thinks scouting is his ticket to the broadcast booth (Why not just go into broadcasting? Why doesn’t he need to earn his dues broadcasting minor leagues first?) or that the Red Sox would send a guy like him (who needs to ask for scouting advice from the family Lobel) to check out their projected no. 1 prospect? I don’t think there’s a single moment in the movie showing Timberlake good at his job. As for Eastwood, I used to be a fan of his, like most people, but something happened with him in the past ten years and he’s become a laughable angry old man raging at the world. In Trouble with the Curve, it’s to the point of parody. He’s mad at specialists, he’s mad at tables, he’s mad at waitresses, he’s mad at computers, he’s mad at phones, etc. He’s at a table for one and the world is the restaurant.
Rob: And he needs a check! Can someone get him a GOD DAMNED check!? Trouble with the Curve is some goofy-ass Old Man Eastwood nonsense. How many late-career Eastwood films are about the modern world’s failure to recognize the singular genius of the independent, trailblazing, White American Man? Oh, all of them? That’s right. The aging Eastwood is again humanity’s last hope against the coming onslaught of smart phones, sabermetrics, erectile dysfunction, and mouthy women. Like you said, though, Trouble with the Curve has that 50/50 charming/incompetent thing that usually makes for a fun Reserved Seating conversation. This was my first viewing, and (like you, apparently) I have a lot of questions we need to address.

But before we get there, I need to agree and disagree with you when it comes to Justin Timberlake. He feels super performative and out of his depth here (and in Black Snake Moan, a favorite of mine that he occasionally interrupts with his badness), but I find him fascinating in The Social Network. Maybe that was just case of the right actor playing the right role at the right time? Could just be me. Something just tells me that he has a good performance in him that we haven’t seen yet.

Anyway, does the movie want us to like Bo Gentry, or not? He’s clearly a dick to his teammates (especially the smaller kid who is inexplicably batting before him. Is he fast, or something? Does he walk a lot? What’s his OBP?), but then we get the rising music and slow motion revelry every time he gets a hit. And yeah, what the hell does being a scout have to do with being a broadcaster? And did you notice how the A-plot sort of runs out of steam about twenty minutes before the end, so the movie just becomes something else for a while? And, wait. Back to Bo for a minute: No one had ever thought to throw him a breaking ball before? The number one prospect in baseball? I understand that the movie is trying to illustrate the importance of being on the road, digging in, and using instinct rather than relying on numbers on a computer screen, but this is all so damn sloppy. Sorry, I’m just ranting because there are so many directions to go in.
Adam: Let’s keep on the topic of Bo Gentry. How in the hell is he a projected no. 1 prospect? Matthew Lillard says he is a five-tool player, but anyone who watches baseball would tell you that Gentry is huge and is maybe a one-dimensional HR hitter at best. I kept thinking back to SoxFest (the annual White Sox convention I attended) from a few weeks ago in regards to Bo. On one of the panels, professional scouts were there talking to parents of current middle school and high school players on things that they look for in future prospects. They notice EVERYTHING!

They said flat out that kids are being judged from the moment they step out of their mom’s car. If the kid doesn’t have his uniform on? He’s docked. If the kid isn’t carrying his own bags? He’s worthless. Are the parents bringing him water during a game? He will never play in the big leagues. I’m not exaggerating. When I saw Bo regaling (in front of MLB scouts) how he wants to bang the cast of Desperate Housewives when he makes it to the pros and habitually chewing out his other teammates….c’mon! That kid had no chance of getting drafted, let alone in the first run of the first round. Also, wouldn’t the scouts be allowed to talk to the players at some point? I tried Googling it and it seems like it’s within their abilities since the organizations are in constant contact with high school and college athletes during September to May before the draft in June. Also, why is Bo at the Braves ballpark taking batting practice immediately after the draft? Is he just bypassing all minor league ball? Matthew Lillard keeps saying he’ll transform their lineup for the next five to ten years….no he will not! If the kid is 18, he’ll be in the minors for at least one to two years and what fucking baseball team drafts for need in the MLB draft especially at no. 2? At no. 2 you get the best player available, period. End of story. If you’re drafting at no. 2 that means your team lost a lot of games last year and are not going to compete immediately anyways. Yikes! #Rebuild

What did you think of the late subplot about the motel owner’s son who is anointed the next Sandy Koufax after he threw less than ten pitches?
Rob: Oh, you mean Peanut Boy, the kid featured in one scene before becoming the centerpiece of the climax? That’s just this movie’s style. And I get it, I get it: Mickey finds her true calling as a baseball agent, finally lets go of what works “on paper,” and uses her instincts. Sure. But when she arranges for this kid to try out for the Braves (specifically showing off both his curveball and Gentry’s inability to hit one), I realized how embarrassingly far the movie had gone for that moment. It was like using jug handles in New Jersey: You make three rights to make a left. And that’s part of what I meant when I said the main plot doesn’t seem long enough for the movie it’s in. It’s like Patrick always says about differently-colored script pages: You can tell this high school showdown was from an earlier draft and they were either too lazy or not creative enough to rewrite it.

Can we talk for a minute about the insane tonal shift the movie takes when Gus reveals his rationale for leaving his daughter in boarding school for all those years? It comes completely out of left field (no pun intended), absolves Gus for his sins in the most narratively lazy way possible, and is then completely ignored for the rest of the movie.

Adam: It gets worse than that. Eastwood realizes he needs to send her away because she was almost molested in a barn and he beat the guy half to death after he found them. This is from another movie. A much more serious movie. I hate hate hate when movies use abuse as a plot device that they’re not interested in dealing with seriously. It’s so gross, especially when it’s really about turning Eastwood into a sympathetic figure.

I guess now is a good time to talk about Amy Adams. Say what you want about the movie, but her performance in Trouble with the Curve is really quite good. She gives this part a depth and soul that’s impressive for a movie as light as this one. I think her romance with Justin Timberlake is the part of the film that works the most conventionally, although it seems like a mismatch. She’s so clearly an adult and he’s a man-boy in my eyes. Also, I’ll just say she’s absolutely beautiful in the film. It’s like she has a grace or glow to her here that I’m not used to always seeing with Amy Adams in some of her other films. She has great hair I guess is what I’m trying to say. Maybe it’s because she’s talking about baseball all the time? I dunno. I just have a crush on her in this movie. It’s a real movie star flex.

Is it just me or does Clint Eastwood not really factor into the most important parts of the film? It feels like it’s really Amy Adams’s movie by the end and Eastwood’s character would have made just as much sense being found dead in a diner booth as getting an extension to his deal to scout the Atlanta Braves.
Rob: First of all, Amy Adams is absolutely luminous and deserves more praise than we could possibly give her. I saw a few reviews mention that she’s even got a bit of a “Clint Eastwood squint” going in a few scenes, and while I admit I didn’t notice it, it’s indicative of how game she was for this role and how much she cared about shaping it into something real. And yeah, she does seem to take things over by the end, which is okay, but did Robert Patrick forget that Gus can’t see? That’s something they need to get fixed immediately, and it’s another thing the movie sort of forgets about in its rush to the finish line. “My daughter saved the day.” “Great, let’s extend your contract!”

Where do you rank this on the scale of baseball movies? Despite Johnny and Mickey trading trivia, Trouble with the Curve doesn’t seem to know much or have anything interesting to say about the game.

Adam: It’s a pretty uninspired baseball movie. Just now I was thinking about how much better this would’ve been if Eastwood approached the character like a Mr. Miyagi type and Adams was a young scout he’s showing the ropes. The movie is screaming for a pass-the-torch type of trajectory, but Eastwood’s vanity won’t allow it. He needs to show those punk “youngsters” he still has the hardest dick in the clubhouse. Remember how the movie opens with him yelling at his dick because he can’t pee like an alpha? Remember how Scott Eastwood cameos at the beginning and his cold open is explained away in a line of dialogue at the end? Remember how the motel they’re staying at has a cute name only from a movie like the Rusty Squirrel or something like that? In closing a brief observation: I’m anointing this the middle chapter in Clint Eastwood’s 2K Diner Trilogy with Million Dollar Baby and The Mule. I’m convinced he only stars in movies deliberately to go on road trips, stay in motels and get a bite to eat every now and then.

Rob: It’s hard to deny the appeal of a good diner, especially when the waitresses are throwing crossword puzzles your way. Just don’t be late with the check! He doesn’t like that. Anyway, it’s a big Mark Off for me on Trouble with the Curve, though I really did enjoy some of the goofier moments. I ended up doubling this with Draft Day because I was so eager for a good version of these tropes. Bo Gentry ain’t got shit on Bo Callahan. What are we talking about next week?

Adam: He sure doesn’t. Next week we’re doing our monthly new-to-me film discoveries column. I know you’ve been having a solid month and so have I. The key is not seeing new releases :-)

Rob: It’s been a good month, and it’s only getting better. Until next time…

Adam: These seats are reserved.

Weekend Open Thread

Open your heart and let the open thread in.

I Stream, You Stream Vol. 104

by Patrick Bromley
Stream your post-Valentine blues away.

Abducted in Plain Sight (2018, dir. Skye Borgman) I saw this documentary as part of the 2018 Chicago Critics Film Festival and then heard nothing else about it until it appeared on Netflix a few weeks back. It's a crazy, heartbreaking story, and though the actual documentary isn't especially cinematic (it's mostly talking heads), the events and insane twists the truth takes are so shocking and strange that the movie is totally compelling despite itself. (Watch on Netflix)
Support the Girls (2018, dir. Andrew Bujalski) The latest comedy from Andrew Bujalski showed up on my list of favorite movies of 2018. It may seem slight or lacking stakes to some, but I found it to be incredibly insightful and moving and human in the way that it looks at the lives of the staff at a Hooters-type restaurant, in particular the manager played by Regina Hall, who should be nominated for an Oscar. If only she had worn some fake teeth. (Watch on Hulu)
Cadillac Man (1989, dir. Roger Donaldson) Though I could never explain to you why, this is among my favorite Robin Williams vehicles (#DoYouSeeWhatIDid). It might be because he didn't make a ton of movies that I really like. This one stands out as one I enjoy in a Saturday afternoon, WGN kind of way -- which doesn't really make sense, seeing as it's R rated and better enjoyed unedited. I like Robin Williams' performance, I like Tim Robbins playing a dope, I like the fast-talking escalation of it all. (Watch free on Tubi TV)
Southern Comfort (1981, dir. Walter Hill) Over the last few weeks, Erika and I have been working our way through Walter Hill's entire filmography. We haven't yet gotten to Southern Comfort because I'm trying to save a few of his best movies for the end, and this one is among my very favorites. I know Adam Riske watched it recently as part of the New Beverly Calendar and really dug it was well. What are you waiting for? This movie is incredible and features one of the best action movies casts I can think of. (Watch on Amazon Prime Video)
Up the Creek (1984, dir. Robert Butler) I can't defend my love of stupid '80s comedies, so I won't bother trying. This was a movie I desperately wanted to watch as a kid, I think because it stars Jennifer Runyon ("I was just about to say...8 o'clock?") and she was an early crush. Erika says I have said that about a lot of people. That may be true, but what J. Run and I had was real. As an adult, I'm way more into the stupid "snobs vs. slobs" rafting comedy of it all, because I'm highbrow AF. (Watch free with ads on Vudu)

24 Hours of Movies: Valentine

by Patrick Bromley
Celebrate love by watching way too many movies.

Since watching movies has become my preferred way to celebrate any and every occasion, it just makes sense to program an all day, all night marathon devoted to love, both romantic and otherwise. I know this day isn't everyone's bag, but how can you dislike it when it gives you an excuse to watch a bunch of really cool movies?

10 am - A Life Less Ordinary (1997, dir. Danny Boyle)
I usually program a classic film first for these marathons, giving the illusion that they will be chronological even though they never are. But I want to start this one with a bang, and Danny Boyle's underrated road fantasy is just the sugar rush we need to kick things off. Ewan McGregor is a sad-sack would-be kidnapper and Cameron Diaz is the heiress he snatches, but she's really calling the shots and the two of them fall in love with the help of two angels (Holly Hunter and Delroy Lindo) who spend much of the movie trying to kill them. It's going to be too twee for some audiences, piling on the '90s quirk as it does, but it's so fun and big-hearted and there's a musical number set to "Beyond the Sea" halfway through and we'll be feeling good about love and in the mood for more.

Noon - Ninotchka (1939, dir. Ernst Lubitsch)
Erika and I just watched this Ernst Lubitsch classic for the first time and both found it incredibly romantic, presenting a Parisian count (Melvyn Douglas) who falls hopelessly in love with a stony, serious Russian woman (Greta Garbo) in Paris on national business. It's refreshing to see a comedy from this era (era) that doesn't put the lovers at odds with one another, instead offering a romance that feels warm and genuine. Both stars are so good at creating characters who genuinely like one another as well as love one another. Most movies forget the first part.

2 pm - Mannequin (1987, dir. Michael Gottlieb)
When programming marathons like this, you have to sometimes include movies that provide a total and complete break from having to think at all. That's Mannequin. This is a movie that was written and made and released into theaters and made money. It is a profoundly stupid movie that works because of just how sincerely Andrew McCarthy and (especially) Kim Cattrall approach the material. Everyone else in the film is in a big, broad 1960s musical (I have argued for years that this movie is made for the stage), but the romance at the center is genuinely sweet, despite how fucked up it is.

3:30 pm - La Belle et La Bête (1946, dir. Jean Cocteau)
One of my favorite movies of all time is also one of my favorite movie romances, mostly for what it has to say about how it's better to love a freak who's interesting than a handsome nothing. Cinema doesn't get much more beautiful or magical than this. It's also appropriate to watch today because Erika's dad called her 'la belle' when she was a little girl. That makes me La Bête. Sounds about right.

5:15 pm - Streets of Fire (1984, dir. Walter Hill)
Walter Hill is such a muscular, macho filmmaker that it's amazing to me he had something this romantic in him. Streets of Fire is one of my major Exploding Heart movies, so it deserves a spot in our Valentine's Day marathon. It's not explicitly about love necessarily -- it is, but that's just part of the picture Walter Hill is painting. The whole thing is bursting with romantic ideas and imagery and music and joy, and while it might not be an obvious choice for a Valentine's Day marathon, it's a very romantic movie in our house.

7 pm - True Romance (1993, dir. Tony Scott)
The centerpiece of our whole marathon is a movie that felt as ripped from my brain when I saw it as a teenager as it does now. It's a movie with everything, one that never gets old. This is the movie I plan to watch on Valentine's Day with my very own Alabama.

9:15 pm - Spring (2015, dir. Justin Benson & Aaron Moorhead)
It's getting a little later now, and while we're not getting fully weird just yet, Spring is a step in the right direction. It's just the right mix of endearing romance and monster movie -- the Before movies by way of H.P. Lovecraft. The actors are great and the scenery is impossibly pretty. I know Cronenberg's The Fly is probably still the best horror movie romance, but why doesn't this movie get talked about more?

11:15 pm - My Bloody Valentine (1981, dir. George Mihalka)
I'm nothing if not unoriginal.

12:45 am - The Whip and the Body (1963, dir. Mario Bava)
Ok, our traditional Italian horror block has arrived because it's the middle of the night and we're sleep deprived and the pepperoni on the heart-shaped pizzas we ate earlier is causing us to hallucinate. There's something inherently romantic about Mario Bava's lush photography and gothic settings, but this one is probably way hotter if you're into being abused by Christopher Lee. That pretty much covers all of us.

2:15 am - Cemetery Man (1994, dir. Michele Soavi)
There aren't a ton of Italian horror films I would call "romantic" (New York Ripper aside), which is a big part of what makes Michele Soavi's Cemetery Man (aka Dellamorte Dellamore) that much more special. It's deeply romantic without losing any of what makes Italian horror movies so unique and singular. Rupert Everett plays the groundskeeper of a cemetery who watches over and makes sure the dead stay dead, but things are complicated when he falls in love with a woman. Because the woman is played by Anna Falchi, no one can blame him. This is a weird, dreamy, beautiful movie that would play so, so well at this time of night.

4:15 am - Yoga Hosers (2016, dir. Kevin Smith)
It's late/early and our brains our fried, so let's go with something goofy and stupid and not unlike a Saturday morning cartoon. The reason I'm picking Yoga Hosers -- arguably Kevin Smith's least-loved movie (by the public at large, anyway; I remain a fan) -- is because it's a movie that says not all love need be romantic. Maybe your best friend is your valentine, and all you want to do is hang out with that person and joke around and have fun and play in your band together and fight off evil Nazi bratwurst creatures. The love between two best friends is some of the best love any of us get to feel. Yoga Hosers gets that right.

6 am - Valley Girl (1983, dir. Martha Coolidge)
I want to program an '80s teen romance in this spot, and listening to the latest episode of Brian Saur's Just the Discs podcast reminded me that Valley Girl is one of the better young love stories of that decade. I've also seen it way less than John Hughes' filmography, meaning it will feel somewhat new while still being familiar. It's the perfect movie to get us to the finish line.

8 am - Punch-Drunk Love (2003, dir. Paul Thomas Anderson)
What better movie to close out when we've been watching movies for 24 hours and are totally punch drunk than this one? When the strings on the soundtrack swell and the image dissolves into just a bunch of colors on screen, we won't be sure whether that's the movie we're watching or if we're just going crazy. It's perfect! Paul Thomas Anderson didn't make a movie about what being in love looks like; he made one about how it feels.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

Reserved Seating Goes All Pacino: FRANKIE & JOHNNY

by Adam Riske and Rob DiCristino
The review duo who makes roses out of potatoes.

Rob: Welcome to Reserved Seating. I’m Rob DiCristino.

Adam: And I’m Adam Riske.
Rob: Our All Pacino series continues with 1991’s Frankie & Johnny, the Garry Marshall-helmed romantic comedy that reunites Al Pacino with his Scarface co-star, Michelle Pfeiffer. When Johnny (Pacino) is released from prison after an eighteen month stretch for forgery (remind me that we need to come back to this), he finds work as a short-order cook at a Greek restaurant alongside Frankie (Pfeiffer), a beautiful waitress with whom he becomes immediately infatuated. Frankie rejects his advances, though, as years of trauma and familial drama have left her tortured and cynical. She trusts only co-workers like Cora (Kate Nelligan) and neighbors like Tim (Nathan Lane, playing another swishy ‘90s gay stereotype). But Johnny persists, challenging Frankie to open up and gradually winning her heart.

This was my first viewing of Frankie & Johnny, and I have to admit that I’m finding it a tough nut to crack. I liked it, overall, and while I was a little put off by its tonal shifts and odd pacing and structure (you described it to me in text as “stagey,” and I agree), I found myself charmed by screenwriter Terrence McNally’s wit and the effortlessness of the performances. It’s a warm and homey romantic comedy, if not an entirely successful narrative. It’s a movie world that I really enjoyed living in. That has to count for something, right? Adam, this was a rewatch for you. What did you think of Frankie & Johnny, and what song would you request on a call-in radio show to woo the woman of your dreams?
Adam: Get ready, because I have much to say about this movie. This was my second time watching it (I talked about it once or twice on the podcast) and I really fell under its spell this time. I ordered it on Amazon immediately after it was over. I think the movie is elegant and beautiful, which I’ll get into soon. It’s also maybe the best directed Garry Marshall movie that I’ve seen (I haven’t seen them all, but I’ve seen most of the ones I need to). And we need to talk about the soundtrack. Like I said, there’s a lot I need to say about Frankie & Johnny because it really moved me in a way that only a few movies do each year. But first, to answer your question, you can’t go wrong with “Claire De Lune” by Claude Debussy for a call-in request. That piece of music is narrative shorthand for EMOTION and TENDERNESS. I first encountered it in a film called Tokyo Sonata. It’s a family drama where everything goes wrong for two hours, but the last scene is a boy playing “Claire De Lune” at a piano recital and just from that the audience feels like this family will be okay. It’s a good movie.

We commonly say on the site that a movie feels “made just for me.” I’ll go further than that for Frankie & Johnny. This movie feels made for me right now. It’s a romance between two people who are running out of time for romance. It’s a movie about one person who can only survive by desperately chasing happiness. It’s a movie about another person who has trauma caused by past relationships that they may never get over. Not to sound ridiculous, but I’m Frankie right now and I’m Johnny right now and I have been both off-and-on for 15 years. Patrick beautifully put it once (when we were talking about Silver Linings Playbook, I think) that the movie was working “in the margins” for me that it didn’t necessarily for him. This is also the case with Frankie & Johnny. I joked with you that if I were to have ever become a filmmaker that I’m pretty sure I would have made Garry Marshall movies. He’s a super corny director, but what resonates with me about his best work is that he loves people so much. He’s a brazenly optimistic and compassionate filmmaker. He even wants day players to have their moment. In Frankie & Johnny, there’s that ludicrous beat where Pacino asks Pfeiffer out on a date and two customers turn to each other and one says, “He just asked her out.” There is no reason for this to be in a movie, and you just know that these two women are friends of Garry Marshall’s or something and he wanted them to have that little section for themselves. I used to make fun of that (the execution is still very silly), but now I’m all for it. I’m like Hector Elizondo. I’m just going to keep coming back for more Garry Marshall nonsense. Except his holiday movies. Because never those.

Rob: I was seeing so much of Frankie & Johnny through your eyes, and I think that’s what made the stickier parts feel less important and the exploding-heart parts stand out more. I love what you said about each day player getting their moment; some of my favorite bits of the opening hour are the little smirks and sideline jabs that make the world feel so full and lively. I laughed out loud at so many of the early jokes that I had to pause the film to look up who wrote it before I could move on. That energy and attention to environment softened the frustration I felt that the two leads don’t actually get together until about halfway into the film and that a lot of the romantic “getting to know you” stuff is bouncing off the more severe Michelle Pfeiffer trauma stuff in ways that seem structurally and tonally insane. The two halves are very, very different, but I’m not necessarily saying that’s a bad thing. You care enough about the characters after the first hour that — when the story gets going in the second hour — you’re down for whatever the film throws as you.
I also love what you said about the characters feeling like they’re “running out of time for love” and, while there’s a running joke about Frankie and Johnny lying to each other about their ages, I appreciated that Marshall is treating them like any other pair of romantic leads, even mixing-in a few R-rated moments so that we can appreciate this as a real story for adults. The complexities of their lives are real, but Marshall’s storytelling style gives the characters permission to be damaged and imperfect and still be rom-com heroes. Again, I don’t love the way Frankie and Johnny’s background issues are revealed to the audience (I think they’re rushed and sandwiched between other elements that dull their impact), but that almost makes it more real. Rather than using Hitchcock’s Bomb Under the Table method, where the story builds tension by letting the audience know things the characters don’t, we’re kept in the dark for most of the running time and end up just as surprised by revelations as they are. Frankie drops a bomb on Johnny, and it feels like a bomb was dropped on us, too. Same with Johnny. That’s how it feels when you’re getting to know someone. Dramatic things can come out of nowhere. My heart is really beating my brain on this one.

Adam: The stage play (also by writer Terrence McNally) had Kathy Bates cast as Frankie. She wanted to play the part in the film, too, but Michelle Pfeiffer was cast instead. Some complained at the time along the lines of “Yeah right, like Pfeiffer would ever have trouble finding a man.” Two things about that: 1) I would’ve loved to have seen the stage play with Bates in the lead. I’m thinking the movie might play differently with her in the part and would feel like Marty and 2) What I think people missed at the time about Pfeiffer’s casting is that it works for the type of damaged woman Frankie is. Should Michelle Pfeiffer be desirable in the universe of this movie? Of course, but the fact that she’s attractive really emphasizes how deeply wounded her character is and that this isn’t about physical attractiveness or self-esteem. It’s saying without saying there are other reasons why she is not open to romance.
Pfeiffer is incredible in this movie. I’m just starting to notice how natural and unfussy she is as an actor (she’s always been a tremendous movie star) and her chemistry with Pacino is palpable even if they look unconventional together. The movie has a Rear Window homage where Pfeiffer can see into the apartments across from and around her window. In one, she notices a woman who’s the victim of physical abuse by her spouse. I think the way it’s handled is so brilliant (and a reason why I say this is Garry Marshall’s best directed feature), because we get that even though the abuse Frankie had is in her past, this other couple is a constant reminder for her about the dangers of trying again. When the final moments of the window section play out at the end of the film, it felt for me like such a cathartic moment because it was triumphant for both women. If Bates were in the movie, I think it plays out more as a "finding romance before it’s too late" story only, but with Pfeiffer it allows for a different feel that I think is equally inspiring because it’s about coping with abuse and post-traumatic stress. When Johnny tells Frankie that he knows the pain will never go away but that he’ll be there by her side when it comes back again...it’s just the most romantic thing I think I’ve ever heard.

I really need to read the play. I just bought it on Amazon (sorry, this is not a plug).

What did you think of Al in this movie? I love him in desperate romantic mode like here and Sea of Love.

Rob: Oh, he’s wonderful. For as much as we love the in-charge, grandstanding, Any Given Sunday/Scent of a Woman Al, there’s something about the performances where he’s on his back foot that are so endearing. He’s charming, even if a bit leering (I love that Frankie calls him out on this), and he does that hang-dog thing in a way that many actors can’t. It’s not framed in misery or depression, but through world-weary, dogged optimism. There’s that great moment when Frankie rejects Johnny and, waking up from an epileptic seizure, a restaurant patron asks, “What happened?” “Oh nothing,” Johnny responds, “I just got turned down by some girl.” It hurt, sure, but he’s not deterred. And there’s even room for a joke!
Back to what you said about Pfeiffer: I think it’s very, very important that Frankie & Johnny highlights the emotional complexities of relationship traumas and how they influence the decision to “try again.” So many romantic comedies treat these complexities as speed bumps rather than roadblocks, but not this one. Of course Michelle Pfeiffer can walk outside and get ten dates before noon. The point is that she doesn’t want to. She’s not ready for that kind of naked vulnerability, and for good reasons. Those reasons are treated with the respect they deserve, and even Johnny’s good-natured “ah, come on, get busy living!” attitude isn’t enough to magically change anything. That moment about pain you mentioned is almost the entire thesis of the film.

You mentioned offline that you were a big fan of Kate Nelligan’s free-wheeling waitress character, Cora. Who were some of your other favorite secondary characters?

Adam: I don’t mean to be that guy, but even though Michelle Pfeiffer is the “catch” of the movie, I find Kate Nelligan so luminous here. I don’t really get but I really get it. The performance is great. She’s got that New Yorker theatrical broadness that I adore. What I’m saying is if I were Johnny I would have been asking Frankie the whole time to put in a good word for me with Cora. She’s the only woman I’d be able to see.
The schtick that Nathan Lane has is so bad I enjoy it. I told you over text that it’s like he learned to speak by watching Billy Crystal Oscar monologues. One of my favorite parts of the movie is when Lane quips something at Pfeiffer near the beginning and her reaction is just this silent, open mouth guffaw as if it to say, “I will never find you funny but I find that funny unto itself.” Another performance I liked (it’s VERY stagey) is Jane Morris as Nedda, who is less a person than a Kristen Wiig SNL character mixed with a newspaper cartoon and Goldie McLaughlin as the elderly waitress, Helen, whom Pacino accurately describes as the type of woman whose entire life you know just by looking at her once. I need to rewatch the scene to be sure I saw it right, but I loved the moment where she says goodnight to an imaginary bedfellow. It says volumes about her in a single line of dialogue. Who else? Hector Elizondo of course. He’s great in everything. I could go on and on.

A few other moments I need to call out because I love them so much:

• Everything showing characters and beds. E.G. the montage at the end, the moment I mentioned with Helen, the weird thing with Pacino’s silent climax face, the fact that he asks a prostitute just to spoon him because he’s that lonely.

• I don’t know why, but I also loved the moments where Hector Elizondo is introducing the cashiers at the diner. First, Elizondo is like “Look at this young woman cashier…. she’s lovely.” Then you look at her and you’re like “Wow. She really is lovely.” Then she disappears, and the next cashier is an old woman who (I may have dreamt this) just sweeps the money onto the ground at one point instead of putting it in the register???

• The music is fantastic. We mentioned “Claire De Lune” already, but also they feature “Love Shack” by The B-52s, “What a Fool Believes” by The Doobie Brothers, and Terence Trent D’Arby’s full-throttled rendition of “Frankie and Johnny (A Man and a Woman).” Most importantly, though, they play “Dangerous on the Dance Floor” by Musto de Bones, which was a classic among the Riske kids in 1991 because it’s a song that we were banned from listening to on the radio due to lyrics like “She’s a porno flick on the dance floor.”

• The continuing 1991 trope (carried over from City Slickers) about how no one can set up their VCR. In Frankie & Johnny, it’s especially funny because it consists of guys just holding cables and staring at the back of the player.
Rob: I just have one small issue about Johnny’s short-lived career as a forger. He essentially says that he signed his name to something that didn’t belong to him, learned from it, and never really tried any other illegal activity again. I don’t want to say I need more backstory on that (I don’t), but I would have liked a bit more color on how it affected his present behavior, his failed marriage, and so on. It’s not a plot hole or even anything we really need; it’s just a little shade of the character that would have been nice to explore.

Regardless, this is such a case of a film growing on me after writing about it. I’m glad we got to celebrate Al-entine’s Day with Frankie & Johnny. What are we doing next week?

Adam: With pitchers and catchers reporting for Spring Training, it’s time to bring back our baseball series. First up: Trouble with the Curve, starring Clint Eastwood. It’s nuts and I can’t wait for Rob to watch it. Until next time…

Rob: These seats are reserved.

Six DREAD Titles to Check Out

by Patrick Bromley
There's an indie horror label doing some very cool stuff you need to know about.

Since the release of their first film Terrifier last year, I have been following Dread Central Presents -- recently rebranded as simply Dread (An Epic Pictures Genre Label) -- in part because I like the tastes of the people involved and in part because I'm always looking to support smaller genre movies that could use good word of mouth.

Full disclosure: Rob Galluzzo, who runs Dread, is someone I have been a fan of for years (as host of Killer POV and now Shock Waves) and now consider a friend. He has appeared on the podcast before, too. And while I can be honest and say that I would love for people to check out these movies because it would be good for business, I'm writing it because I actually like these movies and want to give some attention to films and a label that deserve it.

1. Imitation Girl (2018, dir. Natasha Kermani)
I was a big fan of writer/director Natasha Kermani's debut feature when it was released in early 2018, and my affection for it has only grown in my memory ever since. Lauren Ashley Carter plays a dual role as an adult film star and an alien who copies her form as she learns about humanity. The movie is strange and haunting and often beautiful, like a much warmer Under the Skin. Huge bonus if you buy the Blu-ray: you also get Nina Forever, a really terrific undead love story that's packaged as a double feature with Imitation Girl. The pair together make for one of the strongest discs in Dread's library. (Buy Imitation Girl)

2. Director's Cut (2018, dir. Adam Rifkin)
As a small label looking to put out interesting stuff like Imitation Girl, I was already a fan of Dread. But I knew I'd be a fan for life when they released Adam Rifkin's Director's Cut, because I don't know of a single other label who would be willing to take a chance on a movie as offbeat as this (and, having heard Rifkin interviewed around the time of the movie's release, I don't think I'm wrong). Screenwriter Penn Jillette plays a Rupert Pupkin-esque creep who becomes infatuated with actress Missi Pyle (here playing herself, great as always), so he kidnaps her and creates a new cut of her most recent film (a slick, generic Se7en-inspired thriller) in which he plays the lead. The movie Director's Cut isn't just this new "sweded" version, though; it's actually the commentary track for the new movie, meaning Jillette narrates the whole thing in character. It's, like, three or four levels deep in meta, but it all works. Adam Rifkin is one of the great cinematic anarchists working today, and Director's Cut is such a blast because he's laying waste to entire form of feature filmmaking. What a unique, audacious movie. (Buy Director's Cut)

3. To Hell and Back: The Kane Hodder Story (2018, dir. Derek Dennis Herbert)
Any self-respecting horror fan knows -- and more than likely loves -- Kane Hodder, the stuntman and actor who has appeared in dozens of genre films and who carried the torch of Jason Voorhees for over a decade, playing the hockey-masked killer in Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (Mike's favorite) through Jason X, as well as the hulking Victor Crowley across Adam Green's four Hatchet movies. Despite his omnipresence in the genre, To Hell and Back proves that there's so much about Kane Hodder I didn't know, from his upbringing being bullied as a kid to the horrifying ordeal of a stunt that went wrong and left him badly burned and near death. It's an incredibly intimate, moving, and ultimately inspiring look at the man behind the mask. (Buy To Hell and Back)

4. Extremity (2018, dir. Anthony DiBlasi)
This one was on my list of favorite horror movies of 2018 (alongside Imitation Girl, meaning there were two Dread titles on my Top 10). Anthony DiBlasi is a guy who's made a lot of horror movies and they haven't all worked for me, but this one really connected thanks to its construction and its willingness to go to some dark, brutal places. Dana Christina plays a young woman looking to face her fears in an extreme haunt (think McKamey Manor), but trauma in her past interacts with what she's made to undergo and the assholes behind the haunt don't know who it is they're fucking with. While the results are where the movie's true horror lies, there's also something strangely satisfying about it. Finally, someone calls their bluff. (Buy Extremity)

5. Lasso (2018, dir. Evan Cecil)
I didn't have the highest of expectations for the rodeo-themed slasher Lasso, making the movie a very pleasant surprise. Though it lacks the craftsmanship of Extremity and the originality of the other films on this list, there's something charming about a horror movie that commits so wholly to its own bit -- in this case, a bunch of kills centered around the rodeo/cowboy shtick. Like Killer Klowns from Outer Space, it feels like the filmmakers sat down and tried to come up with every possible novelty gag they could that related to their premise, then executed those gags with zero pretense. Plus, the movie has a great deal of fun putting Sean Patrick Flannery through hell, and that guy was in Boondock Saints so it just seems right. (Buy Lasso)

6. The Golem (2019, dir. Doran & Yoav Paz)
The most recent Dread title is also their first original production (as opposed to pickups, as the other movies have been). Having seen and not been a fan of the Paz Brothers' previous effort Jeruzalem, I was incredibly skeptical about The Golem. I was wrong. This is an ambitious, well-made, dare I say classy horror film steeped in the kind of folklore that rarely makes its way into genre films anymore -- in this case, Jewish folklore about the Golem, a creature made of mud or clay built to do its master's bidding. This period piece finds a woman (Hani Furstenberg), mourning the loss of her son, creating a golem to help defend her small village from a group of outsiders who have moved in and are taking over. While it's not the definitive golem movie one might hope for -- it's more about grief and loss -- there's enough cultural identity folded into the story that it feels like very little else in horror right now. I was so impressed with this one. (Buy The Golem)